Denpendant Man / Woman

I donno whether to write this under the topic of a dependent man or a dependent woman.  In a way, this can be termed as a problem of an emotional woman or to say – characteristics of a man rather.

I wonder how a man can be loving and caring to his women for a time and react the opposite for another part of time in the course of a relationship. A flip – flop or love/ hate pattern in relationship. Some time, the attitude towards his partner is so loving and caring and in the contrary, suddenly for no reason – the attitude flips out and treats her as if he hates her.

The expression of his hate and anger comes out in the way he talks to her. The communication is intended to destroy her self-esteem. I donno, how you can hurt your partner when you love her. 

When a psychologist suggested that the male might be dependent on her, she usually laughs and says, “He doesn’t need me; he could care less about whether or not I am in his life. He is far from being dependent.” This is the exact impression that he wants his partner to have of him.

She comes to this conclusion by the way he acts when he is around her. Usually he seems to be preoccupied with all kinds of interests and activities. He watches television or surfs the Web most the time he is home with her. He is involved in different sports activities. It seems that he always has projects he is working on that don’t involve his relationship with his wife. He puts little or no energy into being involved with his wife. So, it would be a natural conclusion for his wife to think that he doesn’t seem to care about her.

As long the emotionally dependent male’s relationship stays conflict-free, he is a “happy camper.” He is happy even if his wife complains and isn’t happy with their marriage. He doesn’t think they have any problems and doesn’t think they need any kind of marital therapy. He exists in a state of denial regarding his personal life.

In a way, part of an emotionally dependent male does hate his wife. He really doesn’t hate her personally, but he hates the fact that he is emotionally dependent on her and that she has the power to abandon him. He can’t stand this fact. He doesn’t want to admit that this is true, but deep down he knows it is. He also wants to destroy her self-esteem because he knows if he can accomplish this goal, then she won’t have the confidence and stand on her own. He tries to keep the woman dependent on him.  

Later in a turn of event, in a panic mode of losing her, he starts showing her how much he loves her and cares for her.

The flip/flop pattern keeps the woman engaged in the relationship, because when her male partner is trying to establish the relationship again he is the nicest, caring man, the one she originally fell in love with. She is attracted to this part of her husband and everything thing between them seems great again. She forgets the part of him that hates her, that acted out inappropriately, and tries to enjoy the “honeymoon” of the moment. Unfortunately, over time her husband will regress, begin to act out in a very unloving manner, and the pattern will be repeated.